Too Much of a Good Thing

I was discouraged to read the article in USC Patch about on Halloween. Left in its wake were children reduced to tears upon finding their pumpkins smashed or homeowners faced with replacing a mailbox. I find it impossible to understand a person who would be involved in this type of malicious behavior.

While never justified, I think vandalism in depressed areas is easier to comprehend. Surely it is a reaction to the hopelessness that accompanies a culture of violence, poverty and desperation.

But how can we explain the vandalism in relatively affluent neighborhoods? Simple boredom is a lame excuse. I am beginning to think that this kind of behavior is a side effect of the “trophy-for-every-kid” mentality that so many of us have bought into. From the first day of nursery school the mantra of self-esteem is drilled into our children. I reluctantly have to admit that I fell victim to this philosophy when my kids were little.

Researchers are discovering that being praised for getting dressed in the morning can backfire when life gets a bit more challenging. My friend shared a great article with me recently entitled “Motherlode: Too Much Praise Is No Good For Toddlers” by Jenny Anderson. It sheds light on research that might be very enlightening to parents and caregivers.

I witnessed an example of praise gone wild the other day at the grocery store. A couple was shopping for Halloween decorations with their young son and he had chosen a decorative plastic bowl in which to put their Halloween candy. Hearing his mother praising him one might have thought he had just solved a quadratic equation. If this happens repeatedly throughout his day, it must eventually just become so much background noise. Then, when he accomplishes something truly praiseworthy, they might have to raise the stakes.

I suppose I sound like a grumpy old curmudgeon and I am not suggesting a return to the old days of parenting. I know that most parents just want to do the right thing and raise happy, well-adjusted children. I’m just wondering if a little less mindless praise might translate into a positive change for our society as a whole?