Well, this probably doesn’t bode well for me, but I just got around to making my resolutions for 2012! I could actually put the list on a laminated note card because it hasn’t changed in years—lose weight, get rid of the clutter, find gainful employment.
I have half-heartedly tried many weight loss programs. Low-carb, high protein, no dairy, gluten-free, Mediterranean, Paleo, The No-S Diet, Weight Watchers. I am drawn in by the testimonials claiming that as the weight "melts off" I will not be hungry. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, but I am ALWAYS hungry, and the only melting going on around here is the butter for my popcorn.
I am well aware that four cups of popcorn with the above referenced butter will not be burned off by watching Mystery Diagnosis for three hours. Therefore, I have considered weight training, surge training, yoga, P90X, biking and cross-country skiing. The operative word here being “considered”.
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Thinking that addressing the clutter would take my mind off of food, I decided that my book on Feng Shui might provide me with some valuable insights if only I could find it.
That brings us to gainful employment.
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I know what you’re thinking. Use the time spent cleaning or trying to lose weight or watching Mystery Diagnosis to type up a resume and do some networking.
So, let’s take a look at that resume …
Baby Boomer wishes to re-enter the work force after 30+ years.
Bachelor’s Degree in Russian - 1979
Commercial loan secretary - 1980 - 1981
Upholsterer - 1981 - 1982
Stay-at-home mom - 1983 - present
Lumber store cashier - one day - 2004
Four weeks of nursing school - 2005
Mascot costume maker
I'll let everyone know when those job offers start rolling in!
