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Health & Fitness

The Here and After Consumer Education

A few tips and tricks when dealing with a funeral, a burial and a funeral home.

As Pittsburgh Frugal Mom, I preach about consumer education and that an educated Pittsburgh consumer is the best consumer ... and more to my point is something that actually has affected me personally. My mother-in-law passed away this weekend and it has been a very difficult time for our family, as death is for any family. I believe that I have a few things that may help you in the future as a consumer purchasing a place to gather family, friends and loved ones.   

As I have been with a lot of nervous energy over the last few days my mind started thinking about where I was and what I was doing and then I realized we are consumers in many different ways and death is another place that we purchase both service and product. This is a very hard topic to write about, and one that not many of us want to deal with or speak about, however, it is a necessary topic because you are a consumer in this area, just as you are a consumer in a store.      

Funerals are so hard to get through; you have lost a loved one, a friend, a companion, a family member, someone who you have shared experiences and life challenges with—the last thing it should be mistake-laden. Anything that goes wrong feels monumental to the family because they are tired, emotional and dealing with feelings they many not even know they had about everything! The funeral director's job during this time is to get you and your family accommodated, as best as he or she can through making sure that your requests are met, thus allowing you emotionally stability. When things go wrong it can greatly intensify the emotions you and your family are having during this hard time. You should know some items that may not actually be known, and this may help you out.

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1) FLORAL POLICY
If you have chosen to accept flowers for your loved one (some opt out of this), make sure that you understand the floral policy. This means the flowers that are given to your LOVED ones. You are entitled to take ANY of the flower arrangements with you, on the eve before the day of the burial and if you don't take them the night before you CAN make arrangements to have certain arrangements set aside and picked up after the wake.  Most directors are more than accommodating. The director SHOULD mark the baskets, arrangements and vases that you want. Some directors mark the flowers with stickers, but some do this by simply writing it down. The most important thing you need to know is that this needs to be thought about ahead of time and not on the day of the burial.   

What you may not know is that any baskets and vases are saved for the family, IF REQUESTED. Arrangements with roses and carnations in them, will be picked from and utilized: the carnations and roses (a predetermined amount by the director) will be used for laying on the casket when you take the casket to its final resting place. Your funeral director will pick these and bring them along, and then the director will hand them to your family and friends upon arrival. 

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Floral Summary: Make sure your funeral director speaks to you about when you are able to mark the plants, arrangements, baskets and vases. You need this information so you can decide what items you might want to keep and what items you are fine parting with. Your director should inform you of when the decision on this needs to be made. Family members are also often happy to take away an arrangement. 

2) NIGHTLY PRAYER SERVICE
In the Catholic faith, we have had a tradition of a priest being present at the close of each eve of viewing to perform a closing prayer for the day. 

a) Make sure the Funeral Director is clear on your wishes to have the priest present nightly for a closing prayer.

b) Make sure there is a PRIEST available from the church your funeral director is working with. 

c) Find out if the funeral director is willing to perform the nightly closing prayer in lieu of a priest.

d) Find out if you are being charged for a priest being present nightly.

e) If the church your director is affiliated with does not have a priest is there an alternate church you might have a priest from? 

3) THE LAST RIDE
I am not quite sure who the last ride is more important to—the family or the person who has passed on—nonetheless, when it is messed up, it rocks everyone's world. While I am sure the bill for the funeral will go to the right home, passing by that home may not work if the funeral director does not have the right address marked down. Messing up the last ride due to putting the wrong address on the driving directions is not something you want to have happen. Trust me IT DOES! The last ride is complete closure and it is more than just driving to the final resting place. 

a) Figure out the few places you know the person at rest would WANT to pass by.

b) Present those items to the funeral director so they can figure the logistics.

c) MAKE SURE THE FUNERAL DIRECTOR HAS THE RIGHT HOME ADDRESS if they are driving past your loved one's home! Ask to see the procession roads, the address they have marked for the home and VERIFY everything. The DIRECTOR should present you a set of written directions, read it over or have someone on your support team VERIFY everything so that there are NO mistakes.   

4) THE MORNING OF THE BURIAL
By the end of a funeral everyone is emotionally and physically tapped out—drained. 

Ask the funeral director to supply you with a piece of paper that states the time of the morning gathering at the funeral home, the time the priest is to arrive and the time of the mass. 

You may be reading this and asking how one could forget or not know, but believe me, when you all are told one time, and you gather the next day to find out it is another, you will be happy that the suggestion of written time was made. Nerves, chaos and emotions will interfer with your abilities to get it ALL right. Or, your director might give you the wrong time. Writing it down makes it a contract of sorts and assures that EVERYONE is on the same page. No unneccessary emotions spent over things that could go wrong.

There are no happy endings with funerals, they are sad for everyone involved. My hope is that these few tips or suggestions help you move through the use of a funeral home a bit easier. Getting ahead of the situation offer defers or deters problems. Knowledge is power, and thinking about things before they happen, or knowing what to ask before you need to ask is POWER. Remember, an educated Pittsburgh consumer is the best consumer. Getting the most out of every experience is getting Pittsburgh Frugal.

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