I can barely contain my excitement and glee over the apparent end of the labor impasse between the multi-millionaire hockey team owners and the multi-millionaire players. How gracious it is of these fine gentlemen to have finally reached agreement on how to carve the multi-billion-dollar revenue pie!

Never mind the businesses and employees that depend on hockey which have seen their livelihoods decimated by the dispute, and let no one dare suggest that the innocent victims of the work stoppage be made whole. The only thing that is important is that the violence of this blood sport can resume! Hallelujah! Let the slashing begin!